So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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