I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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