Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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