so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
