you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
