yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
