i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
