her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
