you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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