Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
