I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
