he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
