All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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