Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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