Sry I called you an 8
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
