I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
MIDGETS
????
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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