I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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