from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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