I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Holy shit dude........stairs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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