I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
