Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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