Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This is my gift to your gina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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