Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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