last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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