Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
