in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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