Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
