There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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