Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
