ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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