watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
