The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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