She's JV to your varsity
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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