420 ftw
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
