He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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