How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
