I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
