Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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