fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
