Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
