Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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