Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
