my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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