If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
