none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
