So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
