I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
