i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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