I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
