dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
