with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
