when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
