I accidentally had phone sex last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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