my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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